This goal is the hardest for me to write about. It started out as an old stand-by New Year’s Resolution. One that I’ve had, at some level, every year since I was 13 years old.
Lose weight.
True story, I’ve been stalled here for most of a week. Because weight is a touchy issue for me. And I have a hard, hard time making a goal that involves weight loss.
So, let’s start with a little history:
Two years ago I weighed 368 pounds and I was pretty miserable. I had undiagnosed arthritis in my hips that was causing so much pain, I’d started to honestly worry about my mobility. I needed a C-PAP machine to breathe in my sleep.
Then my mother-in-law was hospitalized and in nursing homes for most of a year due to an illness that was caused by her life-long habit of heavy smoking. As I was sitting with her one day, I thought to myself that if she’d only quit smoking when she was my age (in her 40s), she’d be healthy in her 70s.
And I had a serious light-bulb moment. If I wanted to be healthy and mobile and alive in my 70s, I needed to do something big. Now.
So, I had weight loss surgery in July 2015.
That was a hard decision. Because I believed (and still believe) in body acceptance and health at every size. But I made it and in about six months I lost 120 pounds. I stopped losing weight and I’ve maintained that loss for 18 months.
So, that’s where I am now. The pain from my arthritis has dramatically decreased. I don’t have sleep apnea anymore. I feel better. And I’m not losing anymore weight as a direct result of my surgery.
And I have this Big Fat Goal of finishing an Iron Man when I’m 48 (that’s two to three years.)
It’s so tempting to make ‘lose weight’ a goal for this year. I mean, it feels comfortable. Like I said, I’ve had it as a New Year’s Resolution since I was in junior high school.
Even when I was deep into the body acceptance movement and would never have SAID out loud or even written down that my goal was to lose weight, the desire was there.
Even when I never would have pronounced that goal out loud or written it on any list.
It was always there.
But the truth is that my REAL goal is to treat my body in a way that supports my athletic goal. Athletes exercise regularly. They train their bodies. Athletes eat clean and healthy.
My goal for 2018 is to give my body the support it needs. To treat myself like the athlete I want to be.
Instead of having some big number in mind, I’m just going to focus on reminding myself that being an athlete starts now. Eat clean. Exercise. Hydrate. And, as always, just see what happens.
